Turning Grief into Purpose: A Mother’s Journey

Grief is a funny thing – well not literally. Nothing about it is funny. But just when you think you have it all figured out, it changes on you. I never imagined writing a book, let alone publishing one. Especially one about my deceased son. I was terrified to put it out there.

But now…I think it was part of the universe’s plan all along. David and Hobi told me this is my life’s purpose now. If you have read the book you know. The one thing I did not expect was the community it is creating. The messages I am receiving from bereaved parents saying how much the story has helped them. The messages from other parents supporting me. Supporting each other.

Every night before I go to bed, I look through my social media posts to comment and respond to those that have been brave enough to comment or leave a message. Someone asked me if that is hard, to hear all the stories and “relive” that pain. Truthfully, it is not at all. In some unexplainable way, it warms my heart that I can give a stranger a long-distance virtual hug and let them know they are not alone. I really feel and care for them. My biggest fear is that I might miss someone. If I have, please know it is not meant and that I try my hardest to go through many social media posts and comments. You are all thought of, heard, and loved. Even if you don’t agree with what you read.

One of the things about grief is that it can be very isolating. Yes, we have many beautiful and wonderful family and friends that we could not make it through this journey without. The thing is, nobody but you can know what you are truly feeling. That can be lonely. I have lost my son, and then my dad a year later. While I know losing a parent is excruciating, I can say that there is just nothing that compares to losing a child. It is a sad thing to realize how many other parents there are out there in the same situation. An unexpected outcome from launching this book, is the beautiful community that is developing, especially on the Facebook page. It has become a safe place to just feel what you need to feel. Not only for parents that have lost children, but those grieving any of their loved ones. That being said, it is the other moms out there that seem to be reaching out to say thank you for creating space.

Then there are those of you that simply bought the book because you are curious as to what happens after we leave this earthly life. Let me tell you, that was the scariest part about publishing this book… You have been receptive to what I have written more than I ever could have imagined. It was most important for me to write the book showing you all the signs and validations that could not be doubted first so that you too could believe the journal between David, Hobi and myself. I truly have no doubt this is all real. The signs, validations, and unbelievable “things” just keep happening. I am truly blessed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.

I often am stuck about what to post or write, and part of the reason that this blog has been so excruciating to get started is because I am always at a crossroads about what direction to take it. My heart wants it to be very uplifting and happy to lift your spirits and show you that yes, you can and will survive this. My soul knows that grief is something that never will leave us through and our identity changes to adapt to that. We will never go back to being the person we once were. I don’t want to minimize the loss within the loss.

Tonight, for some reason I realized that I need to do both. I need to acknowledge the painful reality that will never go away along with showing you that through work and simply “trying” you can find happiness again. It will look different than before, but it is possible.

Thank you for joining us on this journey and trusting myself, David and Hobi. I pinch myself daily questioning how this can be real. Then the signs and synchronicities keep coming. Validations continue. We hope you will continue as we navigate this journey to continue to teach you about loss, grief, the afterlife, and love.

With love, Michelle Lyn

David and Hobi too!