When it is not a “Happy” New Year…

As a society we place so much emphasis on the New Year. But why??? Why do we spend so much time focusing on the future and not today?

Add in the pain of child loss, and it can become unbearable. As parents, our whole being revolves around our children’s future. When that is taken away, we lose our whole identity. The thought of a new year and not seeing our child grow a year older and the thought of moving forward without them can cause you to relive the initial heartbreak of losing them all over again. Every. Single. New. Year.

You are not doing grief wrong if you begin to remove the triggers. You are not a bad person if you do not celebrate the New Year. Instead focus on you. This is not selfish. It is survival.

Just like how grief evolves over the years and becomes a part of you; and, instead of a sharp pain it becomes a dull ache….. most of the time. The same will happen with holidays. I have found New Year’s to be the one holiday that my mind still blocks out. I do not really allow it to have meaning in my life any longer. There are no goals, no special plans, no thinking about the future. And that is okay.

During the time’s of the year that grief hits a little harder, dig deeper into living one day at a time. Do a little more self care. Be a little more self centered. Again, it is not selfish. It is self preservation. Read a book to keep your mind busy. Take baths while listening to music. Take walks in nature. I still and always will advocate for meditation even though I am not good at it. It is the best thing I have found to regulate my nervous system.

Lastly, talk to your child. Journal and write it down. Get it out. It does not have to be a complete sad conversation all the time though. Start a journal and just simply talk to them. Talk about your day, your feelings, whatever you need to get out. Discuss happy memories. Say I Love You. I have no doubt they are right there listening to you. And if eventually you feel like in your mind you can picture and hear what they would say back, write that down too. Because guess what….they are saying it to you.

Please always remember that however you choose to acknowledge or not acknowledge the New Year, it is okay. 💛💛💛

Much love,

Michelle, David and Hobi